last year. Dudes, I'm so fucking sorry. I steered your asses wrong.
I was like a bull that had been drinking Red Bull, and was laying
out all this bull-smelling bullshit all over the place. And that bullshit
been learning and stuff, and trying to be better about communicating
because I found the girl of my dreams. She's pretty, and she's got
tits like the Rocky Mountains, and dudes... she puts out. Like at
least once a month.
needless to say, Craig's happy about this shit. I've never been happier.
quote the Partridge Family, I'm all, "Come on, get happy!"
except for when I was 12 and my dad let me beat the fuck out of our
dog. Our dog had been peeing everywhere and my dad was all fed up,
so he just let me go at the dog with the newspaper.
no, this is way better because I didn't get any poonanny that day.
let me tell you about my girl.
name is Kelly, but I call her K. Everybody else calls her K., but
I did it before she told me that other people do that, too. So it's
day, i was at the laundromat, making my monthly visit.
I take off to go play some Tekken 4 next door, and whenI come back,
my underwear is in a pile on top of one of the washers. Inside the
dryer I was using, there was a bunch of pink panties and thongs and
was like that Morris Day song where he's all, "FishNET! Black
panty hose!" Except without the fishnets or the pantyhose.
I got pissed off. I yelled, "Hey, who the fuck moved my shit!
Whose shit is this?"
this girl walked up. She had stringy blond hair and she had this big-ass
hoop ring in her nose. She was wearing these torn up pants and she
was all, "It's mine, motherfucker! You got a problem with that?
If you want your underwear with the holes and the shitstains, then
you'd better stay here and watch them beause you're lucky i didn't
incinerate it, asshole!"
I was in love.
asked her out on the spot, and she told me that if she didn't have
anything else to do, maybe she'd meet me at this bar she goes to sometimes.
got to the bar and she was downing tequila shots with these guys she
knows and she had her hand in a bandage. I asked her what that was
punched a fucking hole in the wall. You got a problem with that, bitch?"
fuckers. My heart was like, beating hard and shit. With love.
love revelations ==>