I'm totally afraid to try this. Has anyone ever died from laughing like that?

In case you're wondering what I smell like on a given day, I wear a cologne called "CoSTUME NATIONAL" Intense, which you can find on this incredibly pretentious Web site. It's the black bottle on the bottom right under "Scents," then "Products," then "Intense." (Sorry, it's a Flash site or I'd hit you up with a more direct URL.

Last year, it was my birthday, and my wife wanted to get me some cologne. We went to Nordstrom, which is the best place I've found in life to purchase scents. The salespeople are incredibly knowledgable and they always have coffee beans in froofy little vials for you to sniff on between trying different fragrances. Even with the coffee beans, though, my nose just shuts down after four or five tries. So I have to maximize my choices lest I end up choosing something with my numb nose.

The scent we loved the most last year was CoSTUME, which we'd smelled in France during our honeymoon. I tried it out again my arm. My wife was impressed, so we got it. Then they rung up the admittedly large box, and when we saw the price, we almost changed our mind. We had no idea it was the most expensive cologne they sold. It was ridiculously high, like what you'd pay for a really pretty good pair of dress shoes.

Like I said, we were going to change our mind, but it was my birthday and my wife insisted she buy it anyway, despite my protests. So that's what I'd been wearing the last year, and it got me more compliments than I've ever gotten for cologne I've worn. I won't say ladies flipped, or anything (I'm not sure that's the point when your wife buys it for you), but it did give me a little confidence boost knowing that most of the time I wasn't smelling like French fries or a slaughterhouse.

I ran out of my huge bottle of CN Intense (black bottle, ask for it by name) around the time of my birthday this year. So it was back to Nordstrom, where I told the salesgirl I was ready for a change. We tried a few other scents that we liked, but we kept coming back to CoSTUME, the heady fragrance that was simply too expensive to take seriously. We were really on the fence, until the very nice saleslady said she'd be wiling to help us decide.

I put the competitor on one wrist. She smelled it. She liked it OK.

Then I put the CoSTUME NATIONAL on my right wrist. The took my hand and smelled it.

Now, I've been around women all my life. I work with a lot of them. Women have been my best friends all my life. I've had a few romances. I married a woman. But I can't remember the last time I had a woman honest-to-God swoon right in front of me. She gulped and said, "OhmyGod. Wow!" She smelled it again. She looked guiltily at my wife and asked if she could smell it one more time.

Turns out she was familiar with CoSTUME, but she'd never actually smelled it on someone. She apologized to my wife for making such a fuss, but it was suddenly her favorite scent and she vowed to promote it more vigorously to future customers. It made the decision pretty easy even with the bloated pricetag. I briefly wondered if she was just playing us to make a high sale, but when the price came up on her register, she was as surprised as we'd been the year before. But, she told us, if her reaction was any indication, it was totally worth the price.

The salesgirl asked my wife if it was all right to send a thank-you note. Lots of Nordstrom salespeople do this for customers, but apparently, she's had a few wives get jealous when the husband didn't give them a heads-up that the saleslady does that for everyone.

About a week later, I got a note from the girl telling us what a great couple we were and thanking my wife for, "Letting me smell your man."

If you have to put it to words, this is what they say my scent smells like:

Featured in a sleek black bottle with a curved backside, Scent Intense is sophisticated in its effect and subtle in its structure. Jasmine Tea brings a touch of fresh modernity. Mother of Pearl of Hibiscis carries a feminine, sensual note. Amber irradiates a timeless and mysterious energy. With its magnetic, sensual effect, Scent Intense clearly expresses individuality and personality. Scene Intense's pure and sensual bottle, sculpted by Ennio Capasa, is offered in two sizes.

Wow, that's some froofy shit I've got on.

I did one more recap after the Smallville season, and it just got posted:

Total Absorption (And We're Not Talking About Water) --David Copperfield says awful, terrible things about David Blaine -- who not only fails to break the world record for holding his breath underwater, but also fails to fulfill the beautiful promise of his prime-time special's title, Drowned Alive.

A brand-new Space Monkeys! comic is up today, part of our carefully thought-out two-comics-a-week plan. We are hoping this plan can be implemented indefinitely.

I quite like this one.

There are new songs there along the left rail in the jukebox, seven tunes guaranteed to play audio content that can be listened to via headphones, or other signal-to-sound devices.

My song write-ups can be found here on the MySpace blog.

Space Monkeys! is back. Seriously. As of right... NOW.

A new comic is available, piping hot from the pizza oven... where we... cook monkeys in, ah... that analogy did not work. Sorry.

Go check us out. It's good to be on the return.