"The problem," she said, her teeth glittering like china below salmon, "is that you're vague."

The words, though spoken kindly, caused him to shake a little. She saw the trembling fork in one hand and the gathering creases in the heavy cloth napkin in his other.

"You ask for a burger and eat it likes it comes. You turn on the radio and never change stations, not even during commercials. When you tell me you want sex, that's all you say. It's never, 'I want to fuck you hard, up against the headboard, three candles on the dresser, right at midday with The Ramones playing on the clock radio.' "

He nodded slowly and gulped at his iced water, his eyes wary and narrowed. She worried that he'd break off, wander far and fast, leave the conversation. She pressed on.

"It's a problem. This life needs details. The world is run by people with calibrated tastes. They have a favorite position, a favorite musical instrument, favorite water. They might accept less, but it's not what they want. It's not what they pursue."

"Right," he said. She was losing him.

She lowered his eyes to the key lime pie and took another forkful. The unsaid thing, the part she'd wrapped in her own napkin and hidden under the table, was that he'd been less than specific about women, too. She'd felt it all along, but kept it to herself, keeping alive the corpse of their whatever it was they had for a little while longer.

She wished he wanted her, but really all he'd ever looked for was a girl.

Still no "Film Listings" online. Grrrr.

Oh, by the way, I just got Safari, the Apple Web browser, set up on my computer at work. Tab browsing, where have you been all my life, life, life? I hate having a kajillion (metric) browser windows open at the same time and I've gotten used to Alt-Tabbing in Windows anyway, but having them in neat little brushed-steel tabs at the top of the window that you can keystroke through? Apple, I know I've made fun of you in the past, but between this, iTunes and the iPod, I think it's time you had my baby. Lemme be yo baby daddy, Apple. Mmmm tab browsing.

Also, Garfunkel got busted for pot? I... I just don't believe that. It's gotta be bullshit. Serial killing, maybe, but pot? I never saw that coming.

Movies!

The Butterfly Effect: I first saw the preview for this in theaters a few weeks back and I thought, "That looks like a good movie if it wasn't for Kutcher." And I don't even have anything against the guy. He hasn't left his gravy train, That '70s Show even though he's been on that show far longer than a "Celebrity" of his "Stature" (I'm making faces around those quotes) would have left. He did Punk'd, which I also quite liked. And, like it or not, he was the funniest thing in Cheaper by the Dozen, stealing the show from both Mr. Martin and Ms. Hunt. Still, though, he needs to stick to comedy and boinking Demi because, as Robin Williams knows, it takes more than a beard to be taken seriously as a dramatic actor. This movie has led to lots of inter-office jokes about him going back in time and dating older actresses when they were 25. This movie also made me think of Lightning, the one Dean R. Koontz book that I actually still like. Seriously, look it up. It's not bad.

Tokyo Godfathers: I was really serious about seeing this movie, going so far as to invite folks to come over for a weekend Movie Night, but then I got really sick over the weekend (cursed allergies!) and people had other stuff going on, so the whole deal fell through, as if into a deep canyon, and the upshot is I didn't end up watching the screener tape and we ran a wire review instead. I still haven't seen it, but it sounds promising, so I'll probably try to find time this weekend in between some DVD reviews I'm working on and, you know, eating and crapping and stuff. The guy who did this movie made another film that screened here recently called Millennium Actress that also got good reviews and fascinated me by its mere premise: Soapy story told over several decades in anime. There's a lot more to say about anime in general, but I'm confoundedly ignorant on the genre and am not the person to do it.

Win a Date With Tad Hamilton! He asked me, he asked me!! I like Topher Grace an awful lot, but not enough to see this movie, which looks like a warmed-over Sweet Home Alabama with that one blonde chick that's always on magazine covers for doing nothing. Topher needs to star in a movie as the lead character, who's sort of a wiseass and funny, like an Igby Goes Down for twentysomethings or maybe a Swingers for Gen Y. Really, Topher, I'm surprised at you. You star in a movie that has a character's name in the title, but that name is NOT YOUR CHARACTER'S NAME. Who the fuck is your agent? Does he know who you are? Does he take 10 percent? You need to slap that agent, hard, across the mouth, and storm out of that agent's office. You might even wear a harsh leather glove when you do it.

That's it. Slow week for films.

DVDs: Lost in Tranlation extras still need a'watchin'. I also popped in Coldplay's live disc, which was a treat for about five minutes until I needed to clean the house. Coldplay is not good vacuuming music, I'm here to tell you. I was going to watch Capturing the Friedmans, but for reasons too convoluted to tell, I need to give that disc up. Today and tomorrow, I have to plow through some Alice in Wonderland extras. I'd never seen the original Disney film and man, it's pretty trippy. I had weird dreams the night I watched it. They involved playing cards who were pissed.

Floaty Omie Disembodied Head goes to see Chris Rock (awesome!), watches Sex and the City (not so awesome), and pines for HDTV he can't afford (totally not awesome at all). You can read about it here. Hey, doesn't that floaty head look like Zach Braff? Just a little? A smidgen? Maybe? Well, screw you then!

I've long sung the praises (sometimes out loud) of Zach Braff, who appears on a Show That I Love, Scrubs. So how nice is it that as well as being the coolest doofy guy on TV, he can also write and direct?

The Braff is getting kudos for his film Garden State, which screened at Sundance this week. Sure, this quote's a little lame: "I wanted to take the pulse of being a 20-something in 2004, when you're trying to figure out who the hell you are. It's about a guy who's searching," but it's Braff! He can get away with being endearing and sappy at the same time. I like to think that as soon as he said that, he took a pratfall on the snow or did a little biscuit dance.

Have I mentioned that on that one Scrubs episode, when Braff had the long mullet hair and was picking up the girl to take her to prom, that he looked just like me in high school! No, seriously. That dork was I. And that's honestly not the reason I'm down with The Braff. I just think he's cool is all.

Ah, Braff...

It's not a bad idea to update your site, like maybe even once a day.

New recap of Smallville is up, this time of the episode "Asylum," featuring, you guessed it, an aslyum! And Lex Luthor getting the crap beaten out of him. Enjoy!