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Mr. Hyperbole ...


There's a guy that I know who, when I see him, says at least two or three times a day that something is the greatest something that ever somethinged.

Do you know someone like that? Everything is the greatest or the worst or the most excruciating or the most amazing thing you ever heard of. He also couches everything with "quite possibly." As in, "Anna Nicole Smith's breasts are quite possibly the largest ones ever shown on television."

This wouldn't be so disconcerting if he wasn't a critic. Something's not quite right about all these declarations from someone who's supposed to have a honed critical acumen.

But there it is. I hear things like, "That movie is quite possibly the greatest independent film you can find on DVD."

Or, "It was quite possibly the most amazing sexual experience anyone ever had with a piece of fruit."

"It's the worst sounding album to ever be created by human hands and pressed onto a digital format."

I was telling Heather about him.


Omar: He's not exactly Mr. Shades of Gray. He's like, "That is the single funniest thing that's ever been said by one human to another."

Heather: Ha!! "Tuesday is the absolute greatest day of the week, ever." Then, "Wednesday is the single best day of every week. Bar none."

Omar: "I just went to the bathroom, and let me tell you, it was the greatest display of human urination that bathroom has ever seen. That bathroom is ruined for all other penises."

Heather: "There is no clearer beverage anywhere on this planet than 7-Up. None."

Omar: "God is the greatest deity ever. No question. Thor should just give it up, because he's the worst deity that ever lived. Today."

Heather: "UPS is the single greatest invention this world has ever known. Bar none. It's THE best."

"I think hyperbole is the single most underused idiom in the English language. By far."

And on and on. A few others:

"The number four is simply the best numeral there is. It's even, it's divisible, and it goes nicely into 12, which is the second greatest number that math has ever produced."

God: Best Deity Ever.

"That was the greatest break that anyone's ever taken from IMing ever."

"Blue Crush represents a significant turning point in the history of human civilization."

I wonder if it's because we live in a society that loves to rank everything. (Did you know Brooke Burke is hosting a show called Rank, which doesn't describe her smell at all? Instead, it's a show where they just pick random shit to count down. "Top Divas Ever." "20 Greatest Crack Hos Who Used to Be Famous." "Best Mulching Mowers Ever." I only watch it for Brooke.) We like to know what's the Best and Worst of everything.

This poor guy, whom I happen to really think is a cool guy, just got caught in a scratched record groove of sheer confidence in every opinion he has. He can't merely like something. He has to declare it as the most astounding profundity of human experience.

But I can't stress it enough: He's a genuinely great guy.

In fact, he's quite possibly The Best.



We had our Latino Comedy Project Film Night and it went amazingly well. We more than broke even and learned a lot for next year's event. It was amazing to sit through these short films we've shot and seen for ourselves a few dozen times but this time watching them with the audience instead of hearing them react from backstage.

So if you have a bunch of short films lying around and a small theater to show them in, I highly suggest you put a little film fest together. It makes you feel all Tarantino and shit.

The big stage show is coming up Friday and we're excited. It's our last show in Austin for a while, and soon we'll be doing lots of traveling. We've got some tour and festival gigs lined up that may take us to Seattle, San Francisco and a few other cities (mostly in Texas). It's going to be an amazing six months.


I painted my home office a lovely tea green color. I'll post a picture when I get a chance. It's all calm and serene in there (or maybe that's just the paint fumes). I had to move all of my books and software out of there, so the rest of the house now looks like I'm an amazingly messy, yet intense reader of many books. They're piled up in the hallway, in other rooms, near the front door. It reminds me of those overcrowded little apartments that writers or heavy readers live in where they have books jammed into every hallway and space. It's actually not a bad look. Maybe I'll leave things messy for a while.



Two last things. If you aren't watching Cartoon Network's Adult Swim block on Sunday nights, you are totally missing the boat, my landlocked friend.

What, you're watching Sex and the City? Sure, I watch it too, but how many times do you have to see Samantha give the UPS guy a blowjob and hear Carrie whine about not having a man and how her uterus is becoming hollow and withered? Go watch a guy in a bird suit defend court cases (Harvey Birdman, perhaps the best of the bunch) or the sublime Home Movies, which if you were ever a fan of Dr. Katz, you're contractually obligated to watch. (Don't fight it. I've got the contract right here and your name is on it).

Also, one of my favorite sites, Penny Arcade, (read it thrice weekly, at least) pointed this baby out. Wuh ho ho. Are you droolin' like I'm droolin'?


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