I tend to really not like it too much when people with online journals talk about their online journals within their online journals. It's a little bit like cheating, drinking from the well and stripping it dry instead of replenishing it from outside.
But I find myself writing less and less here, and I'm really trying to figure out why. Lack of ideas? Lack of energy? Other committments getting in the way?
I don't know that it's that easy. The last few weeks, since our LCP show ended, I was expecting to get back in the rhythm of updating the site more often, and then I found myself with free time for the first weeks in a long while, and no real desire or tug to come back and do three entries a week.
(By the way, I'm watching Lauryn Hill's "Unplugged" special as I type this, so maybe her almost overrought self examination in front of an audience in inspiring me.)
I could lie and say that the recaps I've been writing the last few weeks have been keeping me too busy or that I've started rehearsals for our next LCP show in August two nights a week, or that I have a house that needs tending now, or that my day job is taking up more time, but none of that is really true. Energy and time have never been two things that I let get in the way of doing the things I want to do in this life. If I need more time, I sacrifice sleep. If I need more energy, I drink a Jamba Juice and get on with it.
But that's not really it. Like a lot of online journalers right now (too many, if you're a regular reader like me and look forward to hearing what these people have to say about life), I just haven't felt compelled to say anything of late. This journal has never been about my day-to-day life. It would have never lasted this long if it was that exclusively because honestly, I'd bore myself to death. And interesting stuff has been happening. I stressed over a party. I had two of my best friends in the world visit me recently. My brother was in a play and was outstanding in it.
But the need for this site as an outlet has kind of disappated. I've found other places to use my voice, and the need to keep a constant dialogue here no longer seems so urgent.
So, is this site going away? No. Not yet, at least. I think I still have some things to say, and I have a really strong affection for the people who read this. I'm not ready to break that connection just yet.
But I can't promise either that I'll ever go back to the pace at which I started here. It's exhausting and it kept me from going out and living a lot of parts of my life that I'm only now starting to discover and enjoy.
I had neglected some friends along the way, trying to keep up with this project. I'd given up going out. Lost lots of sleep. Spent quite a bit of money, even.
Which is not to say I'd take any of that back. I think it just means some things in your life slow down just as others speed up and right now, this is on my slow track.
Thanks for being patient. I just didn't want you to think I was flaking on you, holding out on that Terribly Happy hoagie and instead sending you individual Ritz-brand crackers.
In the meantime, relax. Go see Spider-Man. Read Penny-Arcade. Drink some sangria. Get in touch with someone you haven't talked to in a long time.
Or, you know, masturbate. Just something to get through the day.
New recaps at Television Without Pity. But, the big news is I got to interview one of the creators of Smallville, Al Gough. You can read my interview here. It was definitely one of the highlights of the last month.
"They used to laugh at me for clapping at everything, but hey -- who's got the cool beanie, huh? Answer me that!"