Tag: movies

  • An Email from the Realtor for the House from ‘Hereditary’

    Dear Mrs. Fentonwick:

    Thank you for your interest in the property at 129666 Paimon Lane. We’re thrilled to have this gorgeous house on the market after a lengthy delay and I’m happy to address the questions your client has sent since we met at the open house last week. I’ll answer them in order:

    1. The house is not currently zoned for a school district. It was previously in the Salt Lake City School District, but the zoning was redrawn a few months ago with the property just out of the boundary. If this is a problem, we can petition the school district, but in the meantime, I’m happy to provide a list of private tutors and private schools in the area. This might be a good opportunity to consider home-schooling as an option!
    2. I’m embarrassed about the dense trail of ants in the hallway your client walked into at the open house. We contacted pest control immediately and I am enclosing a receipt for that work. The swarm of flies was also cleared from the attic.
    3. Since the open house, all markings and candle wax pools have been removed from the interior of the treehouse, as we discussed. The religious group that was using it for small gatherings has since relocated to its own church and did a thorough job cleaning.
    4. On the matter of the 1/12-scale miniature houses and dioramas your client asked about: good news! Any undamaged works left in the house by artist Annie Graham will be included with the home. Since her disappearance, the art gallery she was working with dropped its request for the pieces, and they will remain on the property with the exception of “Charlie Decapitated,” “Quicksand House,” and “Family On Fire,” all of which are still being held as evidence by the sheriff’s department.
    5. There are no longer any bleached, naked people lining the bushes alongside the house. We have asked those individuals to leave informing them that heads would roll if they stuck around, and so far, they have respected the request.
    6. We were unable to remove the leather-bound notebook from inside the fireplace. It’s stuck pretty firmly in there! Please consider this a conversation / art piece.
    7. The looping symbol that is carved throughout the house and on some of the remaining furniture is obscure, but we believe it’s Gaelic for, “Good luck and good fortune!”
    8. The welcome mat at the front door is included with the house. Very fortunate that “Charles” is your client’s name as well!

    If there are any other questions about the home, the treehouse, or the surrounding property, please don’t hesitate to contact my office. This unique, rustic property is a steal and I’d appreciate it if you could convince this family to buy the house! I haven’t slept in weeks.

    Sincerely,
    Shonda Conroy
    Eighth Circle Realty 

  • Trailers Without Pity: The Dark Knight Rises

    This is it, our last Trailers Without Pity video of our fourth season, for Christopher Nolan’s Batman finale, The Dark Knight Rises.

    Pablo is a much bigger expert on Batman (and comics in general) than me, so he took the lead on writing this one and I jumped in, Robin-like, when I could to offer my own assistive heroics.

    Wait, what, Robin’s not in this Batman series at all? Well, shiiiiiiit.

    The video concludes our endless recent slog through superhero movies, but it’s also significant in that it caps off 13 episodes of our fourth season of Trailers Without Pity. And, truth be told, this might be the last video we do in the series.

    We still enjoy doing them and they’ve only gotten easier over time as we’ve streamlined the production process, but with Pablo moving to Austin a few months ago, the getting together we do to record audio has gotten much, much harder to coordinate. No joke, we recorded the audio for one of the videos this season in the front seats of my car at the top of a parking garage. That’s how hard it’s been for us to schedule time/location on these.

    So instead of coming back in two or three months, we may just have to wind it all down and move on to other stuff, like that comic we’ve been neglecting for so long. I’ll keep you posted on what happens, but in my mind, right now, this is probably the last Trailers Without Pity we’ll do. Thank you all for watching.

  • Trailers Without Pity: The Dictator

    Is it over for Sacha Baron Cohen or can he knock out a stellar comedy and avoid the law of diminishing returns on his outrageous characters?

    That’s the question we’re asking in our latest Trailers Without Pity video, on The Dictator, his upcoming comedy, which seems to be more straightforward and less pranky than Borat and Brüno.

    We have two more videos to go in the season after this one before we take a summer break.

    In other programming notes, I haven’t updated the site much due to South by Southwest earlier in March. I had been planning a big wrap-up blog post detailing it all and linking to everything I wrote during the fest but even that task has seemed so daunting that I’ve honestly just been avoiding it. That post will come in some form, but I’m so tired of talking about SXSW that I’ve been taking any opportunity to avoid it for the last two weeks. I’d love for everything to go back to normal and not feel like I owe any more wordage, but I also don’t want to just skip it and leave all those links uncollected, especially the weekly columns that are still going without any mention of them here. Maybe in a day or two when the weekend gets here. How hard have I been working to avoid it? I’ve been writing on a different project nearly every night, I read an entire book (The Hunger Games) and have done literally hundreds of drawings in Draw Something instead of doing that blog post. I work very hard to avoid work sometimes.

    Thanks for watching the video. We’ve still got Spider-Man and Dark Knight coming up.

  • Trailers Without Pity: Prometheus

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    A bit late to posting this given all the SXSW madness (which I’ll post about very soon when I’m caught up on rest), but we worked on this video early to get it out of the festival fray and it’s been a on the TWOP site for several days now.

    I mean, what can you say? Prometheus is an Alien prequel from Ridley Scott with perhaps the most genuinely scary and disturbing trailer we’ve seen in a while from a guy who knows how to create amazing things on screen. Something would have to go very wrong for this one not to at least be intriguing and full of thrills and the only thing I think could take it down is if it takes itself far too seriously to really dig in to the primal fears that made Alien work so well. Again, judging from the trailer, I don’t think it’s going to go that way and I can’t wait to see it. Our Trailers Without Pity video for it I hope gives you a sense of our anticipation.

    We’re hitting the end of our fourth season of these videos. We’ll be doing two more big summer movies and then taking a hiatus until the fall. Enjoy!

  • Trailers Without Pity: American Reunion

    If you made a 1990s time capsule and asked me to put 100 things in it, I’m not sure I would have even remembered to put American Pie in there. It’s one of those movies that was a thing at one time and now it’s not really a thing at all other than a thing that happened and that we all sort of forgot about despite its wide influence and Zeitgeisty moment.

    Which I guess is a good enough reason to bring it back for at least one more go-round, but as we say in our new Trailers Without Pity video, American Reunion seems kind of desperate and unnecessary. The fact that they got all the original cast members back kind of says something about their availability, you know?

    My own 20-year reunion comes up next year and that just seems like an insane, unimaginably large number. I’m old, I just realized. Next time: we’ll be doing Avengers next.

  • Trailers Without Pity: The Hunger Games

    May you ever have luck… uh… killing 23 young people… MUCH LIKE YOURSELF?

    Is that the tagline for Hunger Games? Already I’ve forgotten it from the movie trailer we put through the paces of Trailers Without Pity for the movie adaptation of the popular book series The Hunger Games. It’s like “The Lottery” but with fewer rocks and more arrows and acne, right?

    My brother, Pablo, recently read all the books but I’m still lagging behind. I can tell you that I loved the trailer, though, based mostly on my undying affection for Jennifer Lawrence after seeing her just be freakin’ amazing and heartbreaking in Winter’s Bone. I don’t get to see a lot of movies these days, but I saw that one and it knocked my fucking socks off. Put her in every movie and you will see the total Rotten Tomatoes score for the entire movie industry rise by about 20 points, I guarantee it.

    This movie, this regulated amusement of famishment, is depresso-futuristic but not so shiny as to be off-putting. It looks like it might be really good, taking the source material seriously, with a little bonkers thrown in for good measure.

    You can check out the video below or see it on TWOP.

    We’re not sure what we’re doing next, but at some point we’ll get to that Prometheus trailer, I’m sure.