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4/5/02
The argument (continued)...

He: (Last ditch attempt to make light of situation and express love for mate, bread be damned.)

She: (Statement on transparency of mate's attempts to evade questioning. Twisty Tie dig at mate's expense.)

He: (Expressed anger over mate's line of questioning and failure to let go of the Twisty Tie thing. Sarcastic invoking of 5th Amendment.)

She: (Commentary on mate's tendency to overdramatize.)

He: (Continued overdramatizing with broad hand gestures and facial expressions.)

She: (Comparison of current relationship with that of "normal" couples known to self who can share sandwiches, and even bagels, without incident)

He: (Pointing out of assumption that said couple is crazy and that members therein will probably kill each other someday, probably with the bread knife.)

She: (Anger over diss of friends.)

He: (Hope that original subject has finally died and has moved on to relatively innocuous argument over crazy acquaintances.)

She: (Restatement of purpose of original argument, bringing argument full-circle, or rather back to the beginning.)

He: (Disbelief that argument has done a Møebius loop. Raising of voice and refusal to talk about it anymore. Threat to go throw out all the bread in the apartment if line of questioning should continue.)

She: (Frustration over Berlin Wall of silence. Yelled response.)

He: (Threat to leave apartment with all the bread and leave it out on the lawn, without benefit of Twisty Tie if argument continues. Halfhearted collection of sandals for the purposes of going outside.)

She: (Defense of poor, defenseless bread loaf. Anger that asshole mate would rather leave the room than resolve differences.)

He: (Complete inability to resolve differences as mind has gone into "ÜberMale" mode. Words become grunts. Move to pantry for bread retrieval)

She: (Pantry-block.)

He: (Attempt to get past pantry-block, including dodges, feints and a "Holy shit! Look at that over there!" point-and-look. All this accompanied by angry grunts.)

She: (Question about whether grunts are an acknowledgment of love.)

He: (Low grunt, signifying noncommittal response.)

She: (Attempt to take away sandals, thereby keeping mate home-bound.)

He: (Play fight hitting, grunting, kitchen wrestling. Surprise at mate's strength in administering the headlock. )

She: (Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling memories take over as full desire to pummel mate becomes evident.)

He: (Exasperation. Yelling. Pain from headlock and subsequent sleeper hold.)

She: (Taunting.)

He: (Attempt to escape sleeper hold. Combination of wrestling hold with fatigue from long workday combine to create sleepy wrestler. Dropping to knees. Gentle dozing.)

She: (Tightening of sleeper hold as victory draws near.)

He: (Sleepy anger over loss of argument by force. Groggy suggestion that mate go make some toast or something and leave He alone.)

She: (Mute, victorious stance.)

He: (Led to sofa where sleeper hold is finally released. Finds sofa very comfortable and starts to sleep.)

She: (Lie-down next to mate. Willingness to let argument go since mate seems so pathetic now.)

He: (Grunts. Sleep.)

She: (Small back massage. Hugging on sofa.)

He: (Grunting acknowledgment of niceness of back massage.)

He: (Sleeping in mate's arms. Reason for argument slipping away, but deep-down gratitude that whatever it was, it's over. Dreams about mile-high sandwiches, cut horizontally, carry on through the night.)

Fin.

 

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Margie sometimes wondered, in her naughtier moments, how it was that she got paid to do this most delectable of jobs.